Wednesday, October 06, 2004
It has been eons since my last update. I was extremly busy with school, Perkumpulan Seni's shows and other commitments e.g depression. *Tries to put on a smile*
Festival Tari Serumpun...
No words can describe the joys and satisfaction that I acquired after performing at this event. One thing for sure, I did my very best. This festival held not long ago (19th September 2004) at the University Cultural Centre was a blast! (For me a least). Met many interesting people from the Riau islands, Johor and Medan. The theme of the festival was joget or ronggeng. So it bascially featured joget dances from the Malay region. I was surprised that though we are malays, their form of joget is different. The Indonesian girls especially had gentle hands and their movements were like fluid. *Jealous* I wonder why my girls are not like that. Hehe* Sorry gals...
But the highlight for me was that, I brought out the character of a man. It took weeks of excruciating practice to get that character. It all paid off after on the performance itself. Abg Kamal told me that someone praised me, "Amin kat atas stage lain eh from real life." Though I do take it as a compliment, I feel that I still have a long way to go. This is just the start of my humble beginning... Insya'allah I will make it somewhere one day...
I thanked Kak Linda for constantly guiding me through. There were many instances that I may have embarassed Abg Kamal for not getting my steps right. Buckets of tears I have shed, sitting in the corner as I watched the guys from the other islands dance. Oh... how much I admire them... how much I want to be like them... But I believe the way I am, is my style. I do not wish to put too much pressure on myself...
For this festival too, I got close to 4 interesting individuals. Abg Raman, Abg Azhar, Faiz and Afiq. I admire Abg Raman and Abg Azhar because they have constantly give their best, whole-heartedly wheneveer they dance. They give everything in this world whenever their on stage. Abg Rama especially, I love his choreography. His personal touch not only gives his dancers a sense of respect and beauty but he gives the same to his audiences too...
I never thought I would ever be friends with these two blokes, Afiq and Faiz. I used to hate them... maybe not Afiq. But I learn so much from Faiz. An independent character, perseveres to get his steps right. Such an interesting character. Initially I felt that he was a great match for a friend of mine... but after much thought, they will end up not understanding each other...The language barrier... always the problem.
Well I have nothing much to say about Afiq... Just that he is so oblivious of the things that is going about around him... I hope he will grew up one day (I wonder when will that be)... but he is cute... like his dad. Haha~ funny...hmm... Azpirasi.. Azpirasi... *grins*
Posted at 05:17 pm by passionz
Friday, September 10, 2004
Recently I realise that more individuals are paying "more" attention on me. I mean it in a good way. I am just afraid to give in to this attention because I do not wish to fall into a bottomless pit of regret. I am afraid if I put much effort into it... I may lose it and gain nothing in return. Many would say that I am a coward for not taking risks... But allow me to say this... My life itself is a risk. Everywhere I go, every decision I make is a risk... I just do not wish to take this "one" risk because I believe it will make me crumble into pieces... But if the time is right... maybe...
To this certain someone... I am not sure if you know I am talking about you... but if you know you do.. then maybe... just maybe...
Posted at 07:13 pm by passionz
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
"My mouth opens, My lips move.
I voiced. I enunciated. I uttered the words of disdain...
I broke the heart of a stranger,
I made my best friend dive into an endless pit of guilt...
All I can do, is stand still, hands tied with my scornful tongue.
I woke up to the reality that everything will be different from now on.
I forced myself to speak but all I could do is cry...
Tears of blood...
Perspiration of defeat. CHECKMATE..." - Amin.
Yes, Amin is tactless (not tactful), yes Amin is malicious. All I can say is that I am sorry. I am sorry. Sorry.
I have given up in trying to fit it in at times. Maybe I do things deliberately because I am tired.
I've had enough of trying too hard to be an advisor. I would like so much to be the one who would listen and at the same time give advice... But I can't! I have tried. But I can't!
I know I am the one who could never keep a secret because I end up blurting it out at the wrong time...
I'm tired of being admonish because of my stupid mistakes...
I know I don't share my pain, my agony, my anguish because if I do, who will make you laugh or smile with my whimsical antics.
I am sure my name will be reiterated with derision for what I've done and my heart is in no condition to bare it all.
I think its time for me to take a breather and be with myself...
Maybe I've not given time to myself that my heart has slowly filled itself with hatred, jealousy, selfishness & prolonged grieve...
All, masked with a smile.
I appreciate everything...
Thank you
P.S. I'm sorry
-Yours Sincerely Amin.
Posted at 01:18 am by passionz
Monday, September 06, 2004
Titisan Temasek's Achievement....
Titisan Temasek, Malay Arts Group's Drama subgroup received consolation for their finals! An achievement~ A great effort~
A salute the students involved and the director and stage manager for their sincere efforts and work.
Also to Nadi helpers too!!
~Sheereen~Fana~Azlinah~Abg Burg~Anuar~Fid~Helzie~Rifaie~Nas~Fid~
~Ria~Aini~Yasmin~Fauzie~Farhan~Fahrul~Shikin~Rabz~Zahillah~Aishah~
Posted at 11:17 pm by passionz
Sunday, August 29, 2004
A day out with Zack & Bitches...
Posted at 11:20 pm by passionz
Friday, August 20, 2004
Person,
Could you tell me something.
How do you feel when you penned my name on that paper?
Person,
May I please ask?
Why can't you treat me the same way you treat your masterpieces?
- So Gentle - So Careful - So Preciously Treasured -
Person,
I am sure I do not mean much to you.
I do not think you will grip me tight like the pen you hold.
Just when you give me signs of hope...
Just when I thought you were filling me with love...
You walked away, leaving me behind.
Like an art piece left hanging in an abandoned cottage.
- A poem penned by Amin...
Posted at 01:29 am by passionz
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Walking into dangerous water...
I found out that there were many questions asked, rumours roaming around and the change of perspectives about me. I know it may have tarnished my reputation when I wrote what I wrote. That particular entry was never my intention to make people see me in a different "light". I am tired of explaining myself. All my life, people have always seen me in the "darkest of lights". There is no point in standing up for myself when there is nothing to stand up for. I know who I am and there is no need to prove to people if I am this or if I am that. Yes! I agree with you when you say, "No matter how much we say we are not affected but what people have to say about us, in real fact we are affected." I know. And I know many of my friends do not wish for people to look at me in a different "light"... but all I can say is this,
I know that when I wrote what I wrote, there will be consequences. I know that some thing like this would happen. I am not chasing for attention, but I believe in myself. Whatever people want to perceive what I wrote, it is up to them. At least I know, my conscience is clear. I know I have nothing to fear.
Tarquin... Burg... I know where the both of you getting at.Thank you for hearing me out, thank you for being concern. But this is the journey of obstacles I have to take. And being someone of the arts, criticisms will keep me going. :) Insya'allah.
Posted at 11:21 pm by passionz
