Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Posted at 03:36 pm by passionz
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Is my life all about waiting?
I really wonder. I was reading my past entries and I realise I've not updated much about my life lately. Initially I wanted to go on a hiatus but I realise that I will be compromising my passion for blogging. And since this is the only way for me to let out the pain and the angst, I do not wish to put it aside.
I really wonder. Is my life really all about waiting? I mean, I'm waiting for the day that someone I love really loves me back for who I truly am. I'm also waiting for the day that I can actually dance properly. And also I have to wait for the day when I find true friends who do not run away from me after I reveal something about myself.
It is sad that every minute I check my handphone, hoping for someone to sms me or call me. Im deprive. hmm.... I really do not know what to say. Every day, I wake up in the morning, wait for the bus, go to school and dance. Or I would wait for the mrt and ride it all the way to Newton, to dance. People may say that I do not have a life, but that is the only way I can forget about the world that plagues me so much and go into the dancer's realm. The place where I can breathe, the place where I believe I'm me and the providence where I know my every movement is appreciated.
There were many a times when I feel that I'm unwanted. But I think I should scrap all that. Its just me I guess... Argh~ I hate my contradictory nature. So indecisive. And I'm a leader. The president. What epidemy.
"If being true to you is wrong, then I hope the false will lead you to the right. Whatever the "right" maybe." I just do not understand why I stay up till so late waiting for 'A' to call. Hmm.. it is not as though 'A' promised to call... hmm... Does anyone have a knife? Amin can't wait to cut this section of his life... who is giving him nothing but torturous burden.
Posted at 02:45 am by passionz
Sunday, October 24, 2004
To all that is dear...Gosh! Yesterday was the meeting of active and non-active PS dancers. I was very happy (nay, overjoyed) to see my boys again. All the politics, all the misunderstandings... All the pain. Sigh~ I feel so sad.
I definitely miss my guy dancers. Nizar, Oosh and Taufiq. Nizar will be coming back for training soon. Oosh on the other hand, is unsure because of his injuries. My darling boy is moving to PA. Taufiq... Hmm... Haha Mr Doctor. I was so happy to be able to communicate with him well once again. Its been a long time. And after he informed me of his departure, I actually cried. Hmm... But he has his reasons. And to me they are valid. Thanks Bro. Yes all of us are brothers. Close.
Happy. He assured me that I will be missed. Alot. Haha! Thanks Taufiq...
Wati told me something. The time when all of the dancers were close was during the event at Yew Tee CC. Malam Sari Budaya. It was a special event. Maybe because it was my first performance with PS. Hmm...
I do not wish to continue. Pictures speak a thousand words.
Those were the days...
(Together. Then...)
(The Four of Us. From Right, Nizar, Me, Taufiq & Oosh)
Posted at 05:22 pm by passionz
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Who is the person? You really want to know?
Its You...
Its not meant to be I guess. At least I know. Thank you. I mean it sincerely. Dirgahayu... Dirgahayu...
Till we meet again.
Goodbye.
Posted at 03:15 am by passionz
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Have you ever felt used...
Have you ever felt as though your mere existence in this world is just to be a slave...
*Slaps his face* Gosh~ When will I be sensitized by all this bloody crap that I have to face...
Why must I keep on missing someone so much when I know it will never go anywhere...
Bloody Hell Amin~ Wake up.... *drops to the floor*
Im tired. Real tired. I need to stop loving. I need to stop caring.
When the hell am I going to learn.
*Beats his chest* Amin please... Stop.. Just stop. This heart of yours can't take it anymore...
Im really tired..
HEART... stop beating please... please.. I beg of you... Please... are you listening~ *Cries out loud*
Posted at 12:49 am by passionz
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Not A Situation At All...
"You know what Amin...
I do not think there was even a situation"
- yours truly
Well I guess I was dumb enough to misintepret B's attention. Maybe I was stupid enough to think it was going somewhere. Anywhere for that matter. It just hurts to know that your just an ordinary being to that someone you admire. And it breaks your heart to know that the sms and messages you receive are just a "sincere" way of saying, thank you for admiring me...
I was stupid to think that everything was a trap. I was daft to say that I was a victim when I was never victimised...( I hope )
Amin, when will you ever wake up. When will you ever realise that your just ordinary. And that your never going to be special to anyone... When will you ever stop thinking that you are being used when no one in the right state of mind would be bothered to do such a thing...
Maybe Im just tired. Very tired. Of the fact that I put so much hope and effort in that someone but I end up in ruins... Maybe I should stop all this nonsense altogether... If only Medusa was around. I can't wait to be turned into stone...
Im falling for someone again...but I figured there is no point in trying at all...
Posted at 03:56 pm by passionz
in the library.
studying... I hope...
hate bmr
can't get anything in.
did I mention I hate bmr...
argh...~ help.
BASIC MEDIA RESEARCH
- a death sentence!
Posted at 03:42 pm by passionz
